Who I Am
by Jealous Maureen
Summary: Joanne's coming out. Oneshot, may develop into a chapter story. Dunno. R&R. T for language. ONce was WHY? Changed title


Got this idea, when…yeah, just got this idea. My first single Joanne fanfic.

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Joanne stood in the hallway, watching the world run by her. Her black hair down and covering her face. She knew she looked different from the other girls running amok in the hallways. Their hair straightened to a crisp. Or their hair curled but its naturally straight, so you can smell their hairspray a mile away.

She knew she could never really be accepted into their group. She was different from them, wasn't she? Yes, she was. She didn't care what the boys thought about her.

She watched them running down the hallways, screaming in joy about the boy that just asked them to the movie that night. She watched them, scared.

She wasn't really attractive. She could be, if she wanted to, but she wasn't really into that idea. She was wearing loose, baggy jeans, Doc Martens and a wool sweater jacket. She liked her hair really long, and pulled out of her face in a ponytail usually.

But today, she wanted to be invisible.

She didn't want the world to know who she was. She didn't know how to tell the world how she felt. She didn't want the world to know.

She just wanted to hide away in the green lockers that litter her private school. She wanted to escape and pretend that never happened.

But, she knew her invisibility would only last for a while. Well, at least till 3rd period. She went through the day, alone. Thinking to herself. Wondering what she was going to do, how was she going to tell them this? Was she going to tell the world how she felt, or was she still going to hide it? Would she let the world know she likes someone, but not that person? What if she even told them, that the person she liked, was the same gender? Would they accept her for who she was? Or would they trash her, shouting things at her.

Her parents knew about it. And they didn't care. They were proud that their little girl knew who she was on the inside. They were proud that their daughter knew who and what she was.

But, would the world accept her?

She was always a nobody. She had a few friends she talked to at school, but she never invited them to her house. They were just the people she sat with at lunch, and the people she sat with during class. She really didn't even call them her friends. They were just, her acquaintances. Or the people she socially interacted with.

But for the past two days, she was known for something else.

At school, there are your cliques. And everyone knows those cliques. Only the brave try and convert in high school, because they often fail, and end up "Clique-less". But, only the popular people can get away with crossing enemy lines, because their friends think they are helping the poor or something.

And Joanne had been reached out to.

It wasn't a cheerleader or an artist. Oh no.

Instead it was the Varsity Football Quarterback.

Ethan Montague.

Joanne can still remember the second he started talking to her. They had been assigned lab partners in Chemistry at the beginning of the year. They didn't get along well at first, but they worked together. Joanne was sick of doing all the work and forced him to work.

But whoever knew that he would actually fall for her.

Joanne turned the corner, the hallway where her locker was and he was standing there. Leaning against the locker, acting cool. But Joanne knew exactly what he was going to ask her. And well, she didn't know how to respond.

_Sure, I'd like to go out with you sometime._

_I'm in a relationship right now._

_You aren't my type._

_I'm a lesbian and have no attraction to men._

How would she tell him?

She was about to turn away, but he saw her.

Shit. Too late, she thought to herself.

"Joanne!" he called to her.

She froze in her spot and looked up at him. Why was he attracted her? She didn't look pretty or anything, so why did he like her so much? Aren't guys shallow and only like girls for their looks? Or, was that just in the movies?

"Hi," she managed to say.

He was smiling, obviously nervous. He was an Italian, Nearly every girl at school had a little crush on him. You know, there's always this one guy that every girl likes, because he's cute and athletic, but that's it. And they know there is no chance that they can actually be with him. Ethan was that guy.

"Hey," he said.

They stood in silence for a moment and then Joanne shifted her books to her left arm.

"I…have to go to class," she told him.

"Oh yeah, sure," he said. He moved aside and let her walked past him. She went quickly, afraid of-

"Joanne!"

That.

She turned and looked at him. He jogged towards her and then smiled. "Would you like to catch a movie sometime?" he asked her.

Joanne was frozen and scared. She looked at him and wondered, how was she going to tell him? Would she tell him the truth? Or make up an excuse and lie? Would she remain hiding in the closet for all eternity, not letting her school know that she was involved with another girl? Would she make up an excuse? Would she just walk away real quick?

No.

She stood there, in front of him. She ran her fingers through her hair and let it fall behind her head.

"Look, Ethan. You're nice and all, but…"

He froze, thinking she was going to tell him that she liked another guy.

"I'm already…seeing someone else. A girl, in fact," she managed to answer him.

And she looked at Ethan. Who stood there, completely shocked. Obviously scared to death that he asked a lesbian out. Or that his lab partner was even a lesbian.

He backed away from her. "Wow. I feel…really dumb right now," he retorted back at her. She looked at him.

"No Ethan. No one here knows that. No one knows that I am a lesbian, you are the only one," she reassured him.

Ethan bit his lip.

"Look…sorry to take up your time," he said. He walked away and Joanne looked around. People were starting to come towards her. Asking her why she was so stupid. Why didn't she go out with the cutest guy in school? Why did she turn him down?

She looked around and realized that the questions were swarming in from her acquaintances and classmates. She looked at them and realized that she was secure. She didn't need these people's approval to be interested in women. She just needed to be secure about herself.

She didn't need these people to say it was okay or wrong to be who she was.

Her acquaintance, Megan came up to her.

"Joanne, are you crazy? Why didn't you say yes?" she asked her.

Joanne looked into Megan's blue eyes. And realized, that she didn't need to hide anymore.

"Because. He's not my type…" she said. Everyone looked at her. "You know what? I don't even like boys at all!"

And for the first time in her life. Joanne felt like the world really knew who she was.

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May develop into a chapter story. Doubt it. Let me know what you think


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